An Open Letter to my Missing Laptop

Dear Inspi (as I lovingly used to call my Dell Inspiron 7000m),

This is to let you know, we all are missing you a lot at home & office. Mom-Dad have not taken the food (of their choice) for the last so many days. My office clerks have stopped doing the routine work-typing the office documents etc, attributing it to your absence (huh! Another excuse to avoid work in a typical sarkari office!). I know I have not lost you after you got dropped from the rear seat of my car... but, contrary to popular belief, you have somehow managed to run away. I still remember you were quite upset since the last few days while we were trying to forcibly load a pirated version of Windows Vista over your pre-loaded XP. I accept everybody is possessive about his old companions but never had I imagined you would be so stubborn and place that outdated version of XP over all of us! Now, in hindsight, I believe you had at least some reasons for being so inflexible… I now recall how you used to pop-up those technical jargon and messages expressing your inability to install Vista… at times those were genuine… many a times irrelevant… Since you always had a notorious history of such acts, this is probably the reason I never really believed what you popped-up and incessantly tried loading the pirated Windows Vista premium over a Dell Inspiron 700 M with 512 MB of DDR-II RAM having an Intel Centrino Mobile 1.7 GHz processor. I might have been brutal but you many a times gave me reasons to expect best from you. Hope you still remember that chilly mid-night of 28^th December at Indore when I tried and successfully loaded the pirated Photoshop CS2 over you... never to use it though. I was really impressed by the way you took it in your stride. Then, after initial reluctance, how you agreed to allow me to load 3d-Studio Max & Maya, further strengthened our bonding. I believe we really had a great camaraderie when you (after initial hiccups) used to run all those pirated VCDs & DVDs. Now that you are nowhere to be found, I often get up in the middle of the nights, gazing at the stars from the window of my flat at 4^th floor thinking how blessed I was to have you. With teary eyes and a heavy heart I often miss my personal collection of music, snaps, clips, videos, articles, documents, wall-papers et al, that you so very gracefully use to carry and unfold at the touch of my finger on your touch-pad. You were a real companion, a true friend - the way you used to absolutely hide all those x-rated pictures and videos under all those fake files and folders (and sometimes cunningly made difficult even for me to remember and retrieve). You were so moody, Inspi, and had your unique way of throwing tantrums, when you didn’t want to play an MP3 you used to throw irritating pop-ups – Disc not readable, No Data on the Disc etc, then I used to fool you by playing the same disc through another player (iTunes or Real Player). You often proved to be a nincompoop, when after installing and running all the ‘heavy’ software, you used to balk at opening an MS Word or Excel… that was really silly, friend!

I always used to take special pride with you in that black artificial-leather-bag over my shoulder. I still remember the envious gazes of fellow travelers while on flights or on train, silently looking at you (and me) and getting impressed by that 12.1 inch TFT screen. That probably used to be the only moment when I used to acknowledge that ‘size does matter’… the smaller the better!

I know I have not lost you, I know you have gone by yourself. I believe we will surely meet again after some months or years just like they get lost & meet again in Kumbh ka Melas as in inumerable Bollywood movies. By that time you may get a new ‘owner’ I may get a new ‘Notebook’ and might move on in life. As of now, I can only beg and say… पुरानी बातें भूल जाओ, जो हुआ सो हुआ, घर लौट आओ तुम्हें कोई कुछ नहीं कहेगा…॥

तुम्हारा अपना ही
Sammy (as u lovingly used to pop-up on your TFT)

A Fantasy called 'Lower Berth'

I don't know how many of us are able to observe or remember this but a 'Lower Berth' in any of the coaches of trains run by Indian Railways is a fantasy of every traveller. During my initial years of growing up, I used to idolise my Chachaji (who has been with Indian Railways ever since I can remember) not for his position, designation or profile but ONLY for the fact that he was working with Railways. I still have very fond memories of travelling with my mom & dad to Gwalior (my grand-parents' place) during summer vacations. I can remember how my Dad used to feel specially proud if we had 1 or 2 Lower Berths among our reserved berths. How all other Uncles & Aunties on facing berths used to envy us... and I remember how my Chachji used to say "I get only the lower berths reserved... if I don't get lower berths, I keep on preponing/ postponing the ticket till I get Lower berths"... and I used to feel like growing up immediately and joining Indian Railways... to get lower berths at will!!... I thought it was only our family who was so very fond of lower berths... but... as time passed by and I started booking railway tickets for myself or others, I realised that a Lower Berth commanded a lot of respect even among other (read almost all) travellers... I remember how the Booking Clerk at the Railway reservation window used to oblige... चलो एक लोअर बर्थ दे देता हूँ ... even Railways itself considers lower berth exclusive... the official railway-reservation website has options like "Book the ticket only if 1 or all the berths are lower berths"... the person who is not ticking this option some way carries a guilty feeling that he is going against the law of the nature???... travelling all these years, I find there is no decline in the affinity towards the lower berth... people will come up with all sorts of excuses to grab a lower berth... some of the interesting ones that I have come across are -I get down at every station or I like to have tea/ coffee at every station even during night... somebody said let me have the lower berth coz मेरा स्टेशन बहुत सुबह सुबह आएगा and when I reasoned that my station is same as yours... he justified ...कोई बात नहीं मैं आपको उठा दूँगा ???... another interesting excuse thrown in recently was - मुझे नीचे सोने दीजिये मेरी लम्बाई बहुत ज़्यादा है ... when I argued that length of both the berths is same whether its an upper berth or a lower berth (in II AC), I got a better 'shot' - "If I sleep on the upper berth, my hanging legs will hit everybody passing thru the gangway!"... I finally had to get convinced... another of strange excuses was from an old bureaucrat. The brevity of the reason left me speechless... बेटा मैं रिटायर्ड IAS हूँ... क्या मैं नीचे सो जाऊं .... (I am still figuring out the relation between the two!!)... a very common and interesting one is मुझे रात में बार-बार सु सु के लीये जाना पड़ता है... देख लो फिर आप को ही बार बार डिस्टर्ब होगा (अरे भैय्या ...पर आपकी सु सु से मुझे डिस्टर्ब क्यों??) ... these things yet again remind me how privileged my Chachaji was - how he used to 'donate' one of his lower berths to other 'under-privileged' travellers -by exchanging a lower berth reserved in the name of his 5-6 years old son with an upper berth of a 55-60 years old aunty - who in turn used to look at him blessingly ... the way beggars look at you, being obliged, on traffic signals in return for that 1 or 2 rupees coin... they some how control the rush of sentences like भगवान आपका भला करे ... आपके बाल बच्चे सलामत रहे etc... With a lower berth in your possession you feel and look exceptionally confident... remember ONLY a person having a lower berth can give a corner to sit to some short distance travellers who don't have a reservation... this genuinely feels like a king.. as if आप अपनी रियासत में से ज़मीन का एक छोटा सा टुकडा एक गरीब-मजलूम को बसने के लिये दे रहे हैं... I have always considered this as one of the supreme powers that one can have in this material world... sometimes I seriously fear that the world (of travellers) will finally get divided between the Haves and Have-nots i.e.; those who have a Lower Berth and those who don't have any ... I firmly believe that this 'Lower Berth' will continue to fascinate one and all as long as there are trains and people are travelling by them!

Monsoons... One of the things I thank God for!

Monsoons - the season I love. Its probably the only season, I thank God for. There are ample reasons to love (& hate) the season... but I love the season even for the reasons others hate it!

~ I love the season for hot pakoras and kadak chai in my balcony

~ I love the season for roasted corn-cobs (the famous Indian Bhuttas!)

~ I love the season for getting wet, with all the clothes on!

~ I love the season for local trains getting cancelled in Mumbai

~ I love the season for the winds on Marine Drive & the umbrellas getting 'Ulta' - making it awkward for all the 'Ladies & Gentlemen' having 'fun'!

~ I love the season for flooding of streets & reaching office with pants folded upwards

~ I love the season for all the mud-spots on one's back & bum. Remember its only here when you are completely responsible for your own mud-spots. The variety & number of spots is a testimony to how much & where all the person has traveled!

~ I love the season for standing at my window, observing the shapes, images & colours in the droplets which are continuously forming & dripping from the tip of the 'Peepal' leaves stemming from the wall of the flat opposite.

~ I love the season for the hot & steamy undergarments (they don't get dry & you have to invariably iron them next morning!)

~ I love the season for driving past the bystanders, splashing them with everything on the road & then watching their expressions by turning back!

~ I love the season for helping everyone get creative in the office with many age-old and some original & exclusive excuses - Like मेरी गाडी के सैलेंसर में पानी भर गया है, मेरा बच्चा फिसल गया, मेरी बीवी कल बारिश में भीग गई थी तो आज मुझे जुखाम हो गया है, सारे जूते गीले हो गए हैं ... और ... और.. सर इत्ने रोमांटिक मौसम में कोई ऑफिस आता है क्या?.... etc etc etc.... the list is endless.

~ I love the season for unscheduled Power-Cuts - for the respite from TV Channels & FM radio stations for some minutes!

~ I love the season for long drives and particularly long train journeys amidst a lot of greenery, water-falls, mist, washed roads, steaming hot food at road-side dhabas & vada-paavs at Igatpuri & Karjat Railway Stations.

I think these are enough reasons to love the season, however you can still add your own to the list. Hit on the 'comments' and submit.

Aamir ... the movie

Aamir is a new movie... and is currently painting the Movie Reviews sections of most websites & leading dailys. Let me say, there is nothing in particular to rave about BUT... as a whole the movie is compact and its where it scores over many (most) of the movies currently in theatres or that have been released in the recent past. A debut movie for the Director (Raj Kumar Gupta), lead actor (Rajeev Khandelwal), Music Director (some Amit Trivedi) and Cinematographer (Alphonse Roy). The movie is definitely on the arty side - be its length, Camera angles and most other things. The flow is gripping and keeps you on the edge of your seat... the concept might have been picked from any of the foreign movie (I dont know??) but the characters just fit in with quite a perfection. Rajeev Khandelwal as Aamir will certainly surprise everybody. I had personally written him off watching him in some of his TV Serials but he completely washes off that stigma. The best achievement of the movie is-it is LOUD nowhere. Almost everything is subtle and precise. This is the reason even the character artists don't obstruct the flow of the film. Background Music is another highlight. The music director hits the bull's eye with the climax track. Its a superb sufi stuff to end the movie. But... cinematography certainly scores over everything else. Its very on-the-spot. Going by the flow of the movie, the cinematographer doesn't let any moment go. The Camera angles accentuate everything else in almost all the scenes.

Its certainly a brave attempt and everybody associated needs to be acknowledged and applauded. Leave aside the message in the climax, the movie does let you come out feeling having enjoyed something freshly cooked with all the fresh ingredients.

City of JOY!

Calcutta or as they now call it Kolkata - The City of Joy. Off late, I have been getting enough opportunities to visit the city very frequently, mostly on Business trips. This time though it felt like the Discovery's 'Journey to the end of the World'. Travelling in Mumbai-Howrah mail for almost 34 Hours on an RAC Ticket was altogether a 'different' experience. You get to know railway stations of Maharashtra, MP, Chhattisgarh (my bro's birth place - Rajnandgaon was a high point!), Orissa, Bihar, Jharkhand & finally West Bengal. As long as I can remember, I last visited the city some 26-27 years back. The city has 'preserved' itself to quite an extent- to my suprise & shock! The roads, streets, chawls, bazaars, traffic, buildings ... may be even people have almost retained their respective characters despite the change of name from Calcutta to Kolkata... I am, though, still figuring out whether to complement them or contain my shock? Without any offense meant, the bengali-lives still revolve around mostly some 4-5 Cs - Cigarettes, Communists, Curry (a Curry means a Fish-Curry... Maachher Jhol, invariably), Cricket, Colonial Kolkata et al...

Cigarettes are a definite part of most men folk in bengal, you can even meet a beggar on the streets begging एक रुपया दे दो साहिब, एक सिगरेट पी लेंगे... या एक सिगरेट ही दे दो साहिब... Communism literally runs thru blood-vessels in every Bong's body... an autowallah's demand of a rupee more than 'meter' may run into an 'Ondollon'... may sound funny, but I could encounter many such tiny 'Ondollons' during my every stay of 4-5 days... people will gather on the streets... shouting all sorts of slogans... and gradually you will find that 'ek-rupaya-ka-ondollon' getting linked to anti-poor Policies of the Central Govt or Roll-Back of supposed-to-be-hiked Petroleum prices... leading to demands of Withdrawal of CPM support from Central Govt...ooooohhhh.... all such shouting of slogans is certainly followed by 'Bondey-Mautaram'... and suddenly as a bystander you feel proud being a part of Indian Freedom-Struggle (the chorus and aggression will give you an adrenalin rush for sure!). Coming down to Curry (Fish Curry)... any eatery that doesn't serve a Good fish curry (Remember Good means - Good taste, Price and Quantity) doesn't serve anything worth mentioning. People will go into details, inquiring about the kind of fish used in the preparation - and it has to be a Bhetki fish preferably... food does motivate Bongs, still!... Cricket - Combination of SRK & Dada (Ganguly) to form Kolkata Knight Riders in IPL sort of gave Bongs another reason to live... they are talking about it at Workplaces, Restaurants, Theaters, Bazaars, Streets and wherever possible. Everybody is suddenly acting as a team selector and is out to advise Buchanan (the official coach of the team).... another C that strikes is Kolkata's attachment with its colonial past, strangely most the middle-aged Kolkatans take special pride in describing about the Colonial/ British era... most people will 'behave' so nostalgic talking about it that you tend to get an impression that most of them were born before India got its independence and they have really lived through that period. Unlike other Indian cities, Kolkatans are still happily living with English streets - Park Street, Camac Street, Townshend Road, Shakespeare Sarani, Elgin Road et al.... Bongs are way too passionate to handle... all the above Cs will endorse my point probably!

For the past 4-5 trips though, which have happened in too quick succession, I have been trying to find the 'City of Joy'. I never knew where to start from and started from the streets... let me admit plainly - Kolkata streets are NO joy... you don't know what you will get to see... surprises every where... suddenly a man-pulled rickshaw is running parallel to a tram and many a times overtaking it!!...whew!!... Most Mithai shops are still run by names of their Founders and they only keep adding 'families' & 'generations' to the name.... Bhim Chandra Naag, K C Das & Sons, Girish Chandra Dey & Grandsons, Debadutta Sarkar & Brothers... all these names may sound like Chartered Accountancy firms but they are in fact sweet-meat shops. Moreover, they still serve sweets in those 'दोना' and 'कुल्ल्हद' (the small clay pots) and I bet, you can relish these fabulous sweets in such packagings ONLY. Kolkata is heaven for a person like me who has all the 32 sweet teeth!!... One thing exceptional about Kolkatans is they are way too kind when it comes to guiding you in streets, they are, in fact extremely helpful to strangers in the town and I think that's one of the reasons that make Kolkata so tourist-friendly... At times you tend to think that the person might take a half-day off from his office to drop you to the place you are enquiring about!... the city may be too congested but people have really large hearts when it comes to helping others and charity. Mother Teresa was an apt representative of the City...but... Man I am still looking for 'Joy'... after searching for days in all the possible places - finally whatever little JOY I could find was mostly in names - Joy Biswas, Joy Banerjee, Joy Goswami (some theater personality from Kolkata), Joydeep Chatterjee, Joyeeta Biswas, Joy Sengupta (a TV Presenter), Joy Mukherjee (famous bollywood actor).... Bongs seem to have a lot of Joy in name itself....and ...and...finally... Joy Bijoy Sweets (its actually a small sweet shop near Howrah Station which belongs to some Pandit Ram Shankar Dubey and is founded after the names of his two sons Jai & Vijay ...but see the Bangla transformation!)... I think one of our politicians - Jai Pal Reddy will have to change his name to Joy Paul Reddy if he moves to Kolkata... at last I can remember a famous Hemant Kumar song - Joyein toh Joyein Kahaan... ... Joy Bengal... Joy Hind.

Kyaa Aap Panchvi Paas se Tez Hain?... Really??

Shahrukh at his best, yet again. Thankfully the show & its concept are completely new to indian Television...so there are no comparisons with AB. The kids are sweet and we have seen almost all of them in various TV commercials and that takes away some innocence out of their acts & expressions and they look plastic at times. Otherwise, the questions are interesting and make one doubt oneself - क्या main वाकई paanchvi paas से तेज़ हूँ?... After watching a couple of episodes I have decided never to challenge a fifth grader!... I can argue with my boss, challenge a College-going guy/girl, laugh at old people (citing all that generation gap kinda things!), question our politicians... but पांचवी पास se ab पंगा नहीं लेना!... This is my sincere advice to most of you. I am sure though, Shahrukh will have many more fans during & after this show. As usual, he disarms the awe-struck participants with his wit and humor. Most of his celebrity guests are also in awe of him and, seemingly, find it difficult to match his charm.

A completely devoted (read biased!) SRK Fan.

Raj Thackeray & his Principles

Yesterday's Rally of Maharashtra Nav Nirman sena, headed by Raj Thackeray, would have been a treat for B-Grade hindi movie dialogue writers. मैंने उत्तर भारतीय नेताओं के मंसूबों को उलट दिया है इसलिए सब मेरे ख़िलाफ़ हो गए हैं... or अगर अमिताभ बच्चन को अपनी मातृभूमि से प्यार है तों मेरे मातृभूमि प्रेम पे क्यों आरोप लगते हैं?... all these & similar kind of Dialogues have already been used by Gulshan Grovers, Prem Chopras, Sadashiv Amrapurkars in Hindi movies. I dont think he has ever spoken (or even thought) about the state of Maharashtrians living & settled in other states. What if people start targeting them? Any policy or strategy in mind to tackle that?

Mr Thackeray seems to be inspired to the heart... he picks his dialogues from Hindi Movies, his get-up & attire and even profession (cartoonist) from his Uncle Balasaheb Thackeray, his party line from Shiv Sena (his ex-party). Just like all such 'inspired' leaders we never get to hear anything from him on the real issues like Inflation, economy, our foreign policy, terrorism (its cause & effects) and other vital issues affecting the world as a whole.

When most people both old & (more so) young were getting ready to embrace him as a leader who will take the country into future, his recent stand on almost all the non-issues has adversely affected his (expected) progress. He and his party should not languish focusing on such issues. Jai Hind.

Cheerleaders in IPL

Everybody who understands Cricket is someway concerned by the deployment of Cheerleaders in IPL. Media is giving, if not more than, at least equal footage to the Cheerleaders & their activities vis-a-vis Cricket itself. People who talk Cricket on infinite channels & Newspapers columns are the front-runners in taking up this cause. You get to see strange reasons, insightful analysis, imaginative descriptions both for and against this new thing that has happened to Cricket recently. Some are discussing the kind of Music that should or should not be played, some are busy commenting on their Choreography, some have proposed (and that's been implemented too!) to have an Indian leader for giving a cue to the Cheerleaders to start and stop performing as per the situation, some have gone to the extent of discussing Measurements of their outfits... how long or short will be suitable for India sensibilities. People are deliberating their Dance-steps, gestures, Vital statistics and what not! Hopefully, pretty soon we may get to hear their link-ups with some of the famous & not-so-famous cricketers who are playing in the IPL. Recently while staying in one of the not-so-famous Hotels at Kolkata, I came across a bunch of giggling PYTs while having my buffet Dinners & Breakfasts and could realise only on the third day that it was a group of Cheerleaders for the Kolkata Knight Riders who were sharing the Dinners with me (let me also take some pride while saying so!). Let me admit they indeed are the cheerleaders both on & off the field, spreading cheer all over the place - so what if they don't understand the square-cuts, leg-glances, cover-points or for that matter Methi-Mutter-Malai, Lachcha Paratha or Shorshe Maachh. They know how to keep themselves & almost all of us engaged. If their popularity is something to go buy, we may very soon find them cheer-leading during our Municipal Elections, Right from Chandigarh to Chhapraa. Who knows it may ensure better turn-up of Voters at the polling-booths. Probably that would be the best use we will put them to - bringing 'Cheers' to our 'Leaders'.