Daanton Daanton Mein

Recently, while on a leisure trip to Malaysia... I had the fortune of pampering my own self. The eight days trip started off with luxuries at Langkawi... I got myself further tanned on the beach... then took the cable-car to Genting Highlands... it was great being suspended in a Box some 60 feet above ground, which was nowhere visible because of the floating clouds. By now I was attempting all sorts of cuisines ... which seemed within my capabilities.

My nightmare started on the second night at Genting, when a grain of 'saunf' got trapped inside my already broken tooth... a molar precisely (lovingly called दाढ़ in hindi)... the painful journey took off within the next 20 minutes or so.... I tried everything available starting from a tooth-pick to a needle available in the complimentary sewing-kit... to a thread pulled out of the hotel towel... to a chewing-gum (thinking the saunf will come out stuck in the Chewed-Gum)...and what not. After literally running around in the corridors & lobby of the hotel, I could locate an indian doctor at 4.30 am... I barged into his cabin with mouth wide open.... holding my jaw which was already swollen... he looked inside my mouth for some 7-8 minutes... the aroma of fish-tikka that I had last night was probably still emanating... or may be he started relishing the Mooli-ka-paratha that I had with the tikka... in any case 'Mooli' is well-known for its after-tastes... after the complete investigation he kind of proudly declared that he was a General Physician and tried explaining me that Dentistry is altogether a different science. Till the moment he was inside my mouth ... the doc seemed like a God and I was assuring myself that I will be relieved of my excruciating pain... the moment he said he can't do much... I got determined that I'll get my self cured... the famous hindi movie song flashed all over my mind where Rishi Kapoor stands in front of Sai Baba and sings ... तेरे दर पे आया हूँ कुछ कर के जाऊंगा, झोली भर के जाऊंगा या मर के जाऊंगा... he kind of understood my intent and prescribed a pain-killer for immediate relief. Advised me to come back again at 9.30 am to see the Dentist. I was there at 8.45... still holding my 'jabda'. The lady appeared at 9.20 am and was glad to see me with a swollen lower jaw... me being the ONLY patient available... she smilingly assured, 'I'll call you first'... I thanked her for the consideration! ... I was lying on that longish chair with mouth wide open... the lady was still smiling and started off with 'what all you had last night?'... I bluntly said 'severe pain & swelling'... 'naughty'... she meant by those looks... then she kind of found so many problems & imperfections in my mouth... and said it's a Four-sitting course and she'll have to do a root-canal-treatment... I reminded her that I had come to visit Genting... not on a Resident Visa. She prescribed a pain-killer and an anti-biotic and advised me not to be worried about this swollen jaw... I jumped from the chair asking "Will swelling be alright Doctor?"... "No", she said "You'll get used to it"...

Next two days in Kuala Lumpur passed with a bit less pain and seemingly a bit less swelling... my wife being quite cooperative in assuring me after every 2 hours "it's getting lesser"... almost 27 of the next 60 hours passed in me asking her about the 'status' of swelling or observing myself in the mirror in bathroom... in shops.... in the rear-view of a taxi... even replied to Air-hostesses looking out of the window (while it was completely dark outside)... reached India at midnight ... but was not ashamed of the swelling as most of the 'taxi-wallas' looked similar with Gutkha/ paan tucked on one of the sides of their mouths! Next morning, without any further delay, I sought opinions from office colleagues about the Dentist available near my residence. They reached a sort of consensus on Dr. N. D. Shah, BDS. I was his first patient that morning. The doctor got overwhelmed on hearing that I had come from Malaysia, the previous night and it took me some 10 minutes to convince him that I had not come all the way from Malaysia for a treatment from him but I stay here in Mumbai only. Gujju Bhai started off with "Main bees saal se daant dekhta hoon"... with things already going haywire... I felt like retorting "main bhi saala paitees saal se daant dekhta hoon"... so what if I have seen only mine!... with pain, swelling & frustration all over my face he started looking inside my mouth ... humming some filmy song... which I heard like ..."कहते सुनते दाँतों ही दाँतों में प्यार हो जाएगा"... he quietly looked inside my mouth which, I never imagined, was big enough to pass some 13-15 minutes. After taking his own time he listed the problems & imperfections inside... I started getting a feeling that he was trying to see his world inside my mouth just like 'Yashoda maiyya saw the whole universe inside the mouth of baal Krishna' ... observing for some 13 minutes he asked me to come to his table. Suddenly I realised that I had probably hit upon the 'R.K. Laxman of Dentists'... the man was actually an engineer under the garb of a dentist... who had a knack for sketching 'everything' and complimenting the sketches with his surprising one-liners!... he reproduced my lower jaw on a piece of paper. The dark portion is the 'site' and another molar is already missing from the action.

He started frightening me saying "एक दाढ़ निकलना handicapped होने बरोबर है... तुम्हारा तो एक पहले ही गया हुआ है"... I argued " फिर मुझे आज तक कोई सरकारी नौकरी में physically-handicapped वाला reservation क्यों नहीं मिला है?"... he probably had no answer to my child-like logic!... he continued that it was not possible for anybody to eat without a Molar... I confirmed him that I have been successfully doing that for the last 9 years... he verified "अरे तुम सामने वाला दाँतों से खा रहे हो क्या ? "... I got worried thinking "ये गैर-कानूनी है क्या?" he himself 'clarified'.. " अरे सामने वाला दांत तो smile करने के वास्ते होता है ... तुम तो दाँतों का एकदम misuse कर रहे हो !" .... my swollen mouth gaped further... he continued..."we'll have to do a major Root Canal Treatment (RCT) in that broken Molar"... use of words 'major' & 'canal' made me imagine the Indira Gandhi Canal which was constructed to feed Sutlej River water from Punjab to desert in Rajasthan. He snatched his pen & paper and sketched the procedure... "we'll first clean the interior walls of the broken tooth...then will drill from the intact side... it will be followed by reinforcement by a titanium screw... which will be filled-up by white cement and then the vacant space owing to the missing molar will be bridged with a foundation of adjacent teeth!"





... hoooof!... for a moment I thought he was discussing about some construction site of L&T... I was myself ready with a sketch this time... in my mind though!

After a couple of sittings, I hesitatingly asked, "सर, पैसा कितना हो जाएगा ?"... after a lot of hmmm.... ummm... taking into consideration my Malaysia trip he said... "RCT will be Rs. 5000, Caps will cost you Rs. 3000 for a metal cap or Rs. 6000 for a ceramic cap... an implant for the lost molar will cost an additional Rs. 15000"... using simple arithematic I murmured ... "it would be around Rs. 36000!!"... I was suddenly reminded of a documentary on Animal Planet where they had claimed that a 100 gms of Zambian Ivory cost around Rs. 25000... and many elephants were getting poached every year for their tusks.... out of obvious anxiety, I whispered "Sir, my one tooth is getting costlier than ivory, hopefully they'll not poach me the moment I leave your clinic!!"... he was ready with another one-liner "अरे तेरे दांत का क्या करेंगे वो लोग ... उसमें तो पहले ही carving की हुई है!"... he probably referred to the cavity!... he then offered to add a sparkle to my smile by fixing a semi-precious stone on one of the front teeth... I had to get agitated considering the cost..... he again snatched his pen & paper and offered to improve my smile... this time I genuinely thought he was actually an Engineer in the garb of a Dentist... he was ready with his Engineering Drawing - using light & Total Internal Reflection. He explained how, when a ray of light will enter my open mouth... and after hitting all the metal caps at the ends of jaws... will create an aura like illumination in the centre of the mouth which will burst-out with my smile !!...

I was simply intrigued by his understanding of the Science of Light ??... stunned, I asked... "is this really possible Doctor?".... "hehehe... the same principle is used in optical fibres"... he kind of corroborated his suggestion... the cost attached was still exorbitant... I suggested him to put it on hold till I accumulate some more money or my brother remits it through Western Union...

... the episode finally came to an end, he has advised me not to quote the expenses as there are chances that Income-tax sleuths might be after me!... as we decided to part ways... Dr Shah reminded " मिलते रहना"... we smiled looking at each other ... just like Shah Rukh Khan & Anushka Sharma smiled at each other in the climax of 'Rab Ne bana Di Jodi'... both accepting "मुझको तुझमें रब दिखता है".... I think its gonna be a never-ending relationship... not because we found 'Rab' in each other... probably because I still have 27 natural teeth inside my mouth!

Click on Pictures for a better look at my understanding of Dentist's perceptions.